defining that special someone

2006-08-31 - 10:41 a.m.

Match.com now has their "Make Love Happen Guarantee." The idea is that you do certain things to essentially show that you're making a reasonable effort of staying active on the site and if, after 6 months, you haven't found "someone special" they will give you the next six months free.

At the end of that six months you have to submit a form essentially declaring that you haven't found somebody. So, of course, I've started to wonder what that form would look like. They really haven't defined what they consider "someone special." So I've started to imagine this form containing items such as:

• Have you introduced him to your parents?
• Do your girlfriends approve?
• Are you exchanging bodily fluids?
• Will he be dragged to your company holiday party?
• What is his chosen method of digging himself out of trouble?
  __ sending/bringing flowers
  __ taking you out for a romantic evening
  __ the puppydog eyes and crooked smile with a "sorry, babe"
  __ sexual favors
  __ chocolate
  __ picking his socks and wet towel off the floor
• Have you exchanged keys?
• Do you currently have any feminine products or makeup/obviously female toiletries at his place?

So...what else should go on that list to determine who qualifies as "someone special?"

Pretend it's 10th grade. Leave me a note.

previous - next