1st kiss

2004-08-27 - 2:59 p.m.

My first kiss was when I was 13, in a hotel hospitality suite. For now, we'll skip what that may have been foreshadowing about the future of my lovelife and just move ahead with our story.

I was away at a Key Club convention: my first time away from home with friends. At the opening night dance, I sat at a table with some of the girls from the club, listening to one moan about how she was too shy to ask someone to dance. I thought she was being a wuss so strode off to find myself a dance partner. Of course, vanity meant I had left my glasses behind in our room and I could only vaguely make out which blobs against the far wall were likely male. I picked one out, hoping he wouldn't turn out to look like a freak once I was close enough to see his face, and advanced straight across the room towards him.

We danced for ages, my hands on the shoulders of his navy blue polyester blazer (le sigh). In my nervousness, I somehow lied to him about my age and promptly kicked myself for it, not understanding why I'd do such a dumb and girly thing. That was the one and only time I've lied about my age.

Later I walked with him through the warm spring night. He threw a bag over his shoulder and kept his guitar case on the opposite side of him from me so we could walk close together. In the hospitality suite where he was staying, he pulled out his guitar and played for me...Cats in the Cradle, Leader of the Band... Ah, ya make the girls swoon with the Fogelberg, lemme tell you. I was smitten.

The next day on a break, we were back up in that room, sitting on a bed watching some dumb cable movie when he kissed me. It was rather like a fish, except perhaps wetter and with less life in it. But it was a landmark. I knew there would be better kisses coming, even if they wouldn't be with him.

He wanted to skip all the events and just stay there with me in the room for the rest of the trip, which was the last thing I wanted to do. I liked being with him, but I also had things to do, experiences to have and friends to see. I hadn't waited all year for the trip just to stare at a TV screen. I weaseled away from him, using an obvious excuse. When I saw recognition and hurt in his eyes, I knew I didn't want to see that look in anyone's eyes again and was disgusted with myself.

So from one guy I got my first kiss and learned the kind of person I didn't want to be. Oh, and the Fogelberg thing. So, in all, that was well worth it.

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