swimming

2002-08-27 - 8:37 p.m.

I woke in the morning to my ringing cell phone. Stumbled across the room in the dark, found the phone, squinted at the buttons, poked until the ringing stopped. I didn't have to hear your voice to know what you were going to say. I knew her death was the only reason anyone would call me there early in the morning.

I listened and offered what questions and what sympathies I could, then stretched alongside him in his bed to repeat back the highlights. I left the room dark, dressed, and walked down to the bar for coffee. Lifted the latch on the gate around the pool. Peeled my clothes down to my suit as the people already settled in their chaise lounges watched. Stepped down rung by rung of the ladder straight into the deep end and swam from side to side, diving deep under the water, swimming with my eyes closed, feeling in front of me for the opposite edge to tell me to come up and breathe. I breathed when I had to, but I just wanted to move.

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