The unexpected comedian

2005-12-11 - 10:36 p.m.

This weekend I went down to my folks' place for my annual holiday tradition with my stepdad. We kick mom out of the kitchen and bake cookies like fiends.

This time my nephews were there for part of the time. They came in and helped with some of the baking, which was a blast. I loved getting to work with them on measuring, stirring and all the little skills we needed. The 6-year-old was intently focused as he dropped spoonfuls of chocolate chip cream cheesy topping onto the black bottoms. It was adorable. Did I mention he's missing his two front teeth? Too. Damned. Cute.

On a break, my 10-year-old nephew decided to tell my mom and I a joke.

So this guy goes to a pet store to buy a parrot for his wife.

Oh, it's a christmas present.

So he goes into the pet store and the man brings out a big parrot. It's got all kinds of colors on it.

So the man says "This parrot can sing!"

"Cool! What can it sing?"

"You take this lighter and hold it under his left foot and he sings Jingle Bells!"

"Cool!" Oh...
He looks at Mom and I.
I forgot, the parrot's name is Chest.

"So if you hold the lighter under his right foot, he sings Deck the Halls."

During the telling of this line, my nephew becomes more excited as he's nearing the finish line of the telling. It's just about when he starts this line that it dawns on me where the joke's going and what's getting ready to come out of my nephew's mouth for the entertainment of his grandmother and aunt. My eyes bug out of my head. I try to stifle my laughter and signal to mom that this is not something from his old joke books.

"That's cool! Does he sing anything else?"

Well, if you hold the lighter right between his feet..."

Now mom gets it and her eyes bug. She has an even harder time stifling her shocked laughter. Her shoulders begin to shake. I think my nephew finally caught on that maybe this wasn't the joke he should have chosen for us, but he's too far in to stop now. He's swept up in the moment and has to finish.

"he sings Chest's nuts roasting on an open fire..."

My nephew's telling me offcolor jokes. I held him before he was even diapered for the first time and now here we are. I don't think I've felt this old since the first time my grandfather emailed me a dirty joke. It can only be downhill from here.

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Pretend it's 10th grade. Leave me a note.

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