an open letter to Hallmark

2003-02-12 - 11:59 a.m.

February 12, 2003

Hallmark Cards, Incorporated
PO 419126, MD #339
Kansas City, MO 64141-6126

Dear Sirs:

It has come to my attention that I am not alone in my frustration with the limited selection of choices available to consumers wishing to purchase greeting cards for certain relationships in our lives. As I am sure you understand, the modern world and its pressures have resulted in an increasing number of dysfunctional relationships. Yet occasions do come, some genuine occasions for celebration and certain manufactured "holidays" promoted by the greeting card, floral, jewelery and other industries for which recognition may be somewhat more obligatory. Yet honor them we must should we choose to continue said relationships.

Unfortunate is the man who stands at a card rack puzzling over gushing "to my beloved wife, my life" cards at Valentine's Day when the paper of the card feels more stable than their relationship. Or the woman who gets stuck with "sisters are best friends for life" cards for the sister who shoved her head down the toilet and never improved from there. ahem. I digress...

Accordingly, I suggest a line of cards with more reserved messages. Text should be in very large print so the giver need not feel obligated to fill the white space with a long, awkward personal message to supplement the verse. Eliminate as many testaments to the health, success, and lifelong value of the relationship as possible. Stick to Happy X Day to my [insert relationship here]. Consider "from" rather than "with all my undying love." A big swoopy flourish or flower graphic to fill extra space would be aces.

Yes, there will always be a market for gush, but I expect your sales would increase exponentially should you provide a more diverse array of "cards for when you just have to say SOMETHING."

with, erm, kind regards,

veralynn

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