Prayers of the heathens

2005-03-02 - 4:35 p.m.

My college is a religious school, though I'm not even close to a religious person. They send out e-mail prayer requests which land in my inbox with the same spammy quality as so many internet drug offers, followed by a tangy aftertaste of guilt for envisioning the nuns as spammers. They may not have brought me into their religion, but I did at least catch the nun-imposed guilt, so I suppose they have done their jobs.

The emails end with a request for us to send in our prayer requests to add to the next email. I'm tempted to add to the list, but instead of prayers for the sick and dying, I'm thinking of some alternatives:
Please pray for our sister, X, who's got such a bad case of acne she makes young children flinch when they pass her.
Please pray for our brother, Y, who has such a raging case of gas that his wife made him sleep on the couch.
Pray for our dear dog that he may not get beaten by exasperated neighbors after hours of his lone barking.
Pray for our nation that we survive the next four years and still have some other countries who'll speak to us.
Please pray that we will have a year of wonderful music, movie releases and that somehow Clear Channel will be broken into tiny bits to rescue the state of independent and local music.
I could go on, but I will spare you. Such are the prayers of the heathens. Our own will be done?

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